It has been a couple of weeks since I have last posted and has been a difficult time, but these past few days I have returned to the office, garnered some strength and am able to look ahead a bit.

I was listening to the radio today and was touched by a poem by Amy Carmichael that someone read. "Touched" is probably too light... "Convicted" is more like it.

It reminded me of how my wife seemed so selfless in the moment of greatest tragedy. In the midst of great suffering, she considered others above herself by asking the doctors, nurses and the family around her on that January 22nd day how they were all doing with such a hard task ahead of them of delivering a baby that would not survive. She felt bad that they had to be the ones on call that day. She empathized with them, when it seemed to me that the natural, worldly response would be to hide in the pain. She did this because of what Christ has done for her - for what Calvary Love has done for her. May we all hold fast to live with Calvary Love as our motivation and our aim.

Calvary Love

by Amy Carmichael

If I belittle those whom I am called to serve, talk of their weak points in contrast perhaps with what I think of as my strong points; if I adopt a superior attitude, forgetting "Who made thee to differ? And what hast thou that thou hast not received?" then I know nothing of Calvary love.

If I find myself taking lapses for granted, "Oh, that's what they always do," "Oh, of course she talks like that, he acts like that," then I know nothing of Calvary love.

If I can enjoy a joke at the expense of another; if I can in any way slight another in conversation, or even in thought, then I know nothing of Calvarylove.

If I can write an unkind letter, speak an unkind word, think an unkind thought without grief and shame, then I know nothing of Calvary love.

If I do not feel far more for the grieved Savior than for my worried self when troublesome things occur, then I know nothing of Calvary love.

If I can rebuke without a pang, then I know nothing of Calvary love.

If my attitude be one of fear, not faith, about one who has disappointed me; if I say, "Just what I expected" if a fall occurs, then I know nothing of Calvary love.

If I am afraid to speak the truth, lest I lose affection, or lest the one concerned should say, "You do not understand," or because I fear to lose my reputation for kindness; if I put my own good name before the other's highest good, then I know nothing of Calvary love.

If I am content to heal a hurt slightly, saying "Peace, peace," where there is no peace; if I forget the poignant word "Let love be without dissimulation" and blunt the edge of truth, speaking not right things but smooth things, then I know nothing of Calvary love.

If I hold on to choices of any kind, just because they are my choice, then I know nothing of Calvary love.

If I am soft to myself and slide comfortably into self-pity and self-sympathy; If I do not by the grace of God practice fortitude, then I know nothing of Calvary love.

If I myself dominate myself, if my thoughts revolve round myself, if I am so occupied with myself I rarely have "a heart at leisure from itself," then I know nothing of Calvary love.

If, the moment I am conscious of the shadow of self crossing my threshold, I do not shut the door, and keep that door shut, then I know nothing of Calvary love.

If I cannot in honest happiness take the second place (or the twentieth); if I cannot take the first without making a fuss about my unworthiness, then I know nothing of Calvary love.

If I take offense easily, if I am content to continue in a cool unfriendliness, though friendship be possible, then I know nothing of Calvary love.

If I feel injured when another lays to my charge things that I know not, forgetting that my sinless Savior trod this path to the end, then I know nothing of Calvary love.

If I feel bitter toward those who condemn me, as it seems to me, unjustly, forgetting that if they knew me as I know myself they would condemn me much more, then I know nothing of Calvary love.

If souls can suffer alongside, and I hardly know it, because the spirit of discernment is not in me, then I know nothing of Calvary love.

If the praise of others elates me and their blame depresses me; if I cannot rest under misunderstanding without defending myself; if I love to be loved more than to love, to be served more than to serve, then I know nothing of Calvary love.

If I crave hungrily to be used to show the way of liberty to a soul in bondage, instead of caring only that it be delivered; if I nurse my disappointment when I fail, instead of asking that to another the word of release may be given, then I know nothing of Calvary love.

If I do not forget about such a trifle as personal success, so that it never crosses my mind, or if it does, is never given room there; if the cup of flattery tastes sweet to me, then I know nothing of Calvary love.

If in the fellowship of service I seek to attach a friend to myself, so that others are caused to feel unwanted; if my friendships do not draw others deeper in, but are ungenerous (to myself, for myself), then I know nothing of Calvary love.

If I refuse to allow one who is dear to me to suffer for the sake of Christ, if I do not see such suffering as the greatest honor that can be offered to any follower of the Crucified, then I know nothing of Calvary love.

If I slip into the place that can be filled by Christ alone, making myself the first necessity to a soul instead of leading it to fasten upon Him, then I know nothing of Calvary love.

If my interest in the work of others is cool; if I think in terms of my own special work; if the burdens of others are not my burdens too, and their joys mine, then I know nothing of Calvary love.

If I wonder why something trying is allowed, and press for prayer that it may be removed; if I cannot be trusted with any disappointment, and cannot go on in peace under any mystery, then I know nothing of Calvary love.

If the ultimate, the hardest, cannot be asked of me; if my fellows hesitate to ask it and turn to someone else, then I know nothing of Calvary love.

If I covet any place on earth but the dust at the foot of the Cross, then I know nothing of Calvary love.

That which I know not, teach Thou me, O Lord, my God.

Amy Carmichael, "Calvary Love," from If, by Dohnavur Fellowship.

My Beloved

This morning I opened my NIV Worship Bible* to begin studying Jeremiah and discovered an excerpt titled, "My Beloved". Someone took passages of scripture, paraphrased them and put them into a letter format with God as the first-person pronoun. The result of which really ministered to me as I consider the life God gives us, no matter how long or short it is. Here is the letter:

My Beloved

Before you were born, you were special to Me. I knew you before you were conceived in your mother's womb. With My own hands I fearfully and wonderfully created every detail that makes you unique. I knit together your body, soul and spirit.

I saw you long before you ever existed. I watched every day of your life. So I know you. I know where you have been, where you are, and where you are going.

If only you knew the thoughts I have toward you. Did you know My thoughts for you outnumber the grains of sand on all the beaches of the world? You are the apple of My eye. When trouble approaches, I hide you in the shadow of My wings. I have even engraved you on the palms of My hands.

It is My love for you that makes you precious and honored in My sight. I created you for My glory, and I will never abandon what I have formed and made. My goodness and love will follow you every day of your life. So do not fret; I will fulfill My purpose for your life. And always remember… My love endures forever and ever!

Paraphrased from the following passages: Ps 17:8; 23:6; 100:5; 138:8; 139:13-18; Is 43:4-7; 49:16; Jer 1:5

*The NIV Worship Bible, Copyright ©2000 by the Corinthian Group, Inc., Dana Point, CA

Our God Is In Control

This is not how it should be
This is not how it could be
This is how it is
Our God is in control

This is not how it will be
When we finally will see
We’ll see with our own eyes
He was always in control

And we’ll sing
Holy Holy Holy is in our God
And we will finally really understand what it means
So we’ll sing
Holy Holy Holy is in our God
While we’re waiting for that day

This is not where we planned to be
When we started this journey
This is where we are
And Our God is in control

Though this first taste is bitter
There will be sweetness forever
When we finally taste and see
That Our God is in control

And we’ll sing
Holy Holy Holy is in our God
And we will finally really understand what it means
So we’ll sing
Holy Holy Holy is in our God
While we’re waiting for that day
We’re waiting for that day
We’ll keep on waiting for that day

And we will know
Our God is in control
Holy Holy Holy
Holy Holy Holy
Our God is in control
Holy Holy Holy
Our God is in control
Holy Holy Holy

By Steven Curtis Chapman

God's Providence Through Song

Every now and then, a song comes along that ministers to you in the moment.  It may not be the best written song of the decade, but it nevertheless contains that special word, phrase or meaning that sings for you what you are feeling and cannot sing for yourself in your groaning.

Many of you may know about the tragic death of Steven Curtis Chapman's little girl, Maria. If not, go here to read the story. I remember lifting up in prayer the Chapman family the day she died. Out of that loss came this song of hope from this long-time singer, song-writer.

Whom have I on Earth or in Heaven but Thee?

I love the words of the 4th verse of this hymn, "Pass Me Not, O Gentle Savior":   
    
      Thou the Spring of all my comfort,
      More than life to me,
      Whom have I on earth beside Thee?
      Whom in Heav’n but Thee?
   
      Savior, Savior,
      Hear my humble cry;
      While on others Thou art calling,
      Do not pass me by.

'Tis So Sweet

I know - a strange title for such a painful time in our lives. Summer and I have said since this journey began 3 weeks ago today that it is our prayer that all that we do and say would glorify the Father, even in the midst of our grief. This strength can only come from trusting a Savior who is mightier than ourselves.

This week I came across a hymn I haven't sung for a couple of years - 'Tis So Sweet to Trust in Jesus.

’Tis so sweet to trust in Jesus, just to take Him at His word, just to rest upon His promise, just to know, “Thus saith the Lord.”

O how sweet to trust in Jesus, just to trust His cleansing blood, just in simple faith to plunge me ’neath the healing, cleansing flood!

Yes, ’tis sweet to trust in Jesus, just from sin and self to cease, just from Jesus simply taking life and rest and joy and peace.

I’m so glad I learned to trust Thee, Precious Jesus, Savior, Friend; and I know that Thou art with me, wilt be with me to the end.

Chorus: Jesus, Jesus, how I trust Him! How I’ve proved Him o’er and o’er! Jesus, Jesus, precious Jesus! O for grace to trust Him more!

"Tis so sweet to trust in Jesus, just to take Him at His word..." may seem like shallow, mindless words spoken from a implausible faith. However, the woman who wrote these words had just lost her husband in a horrible drowning accident. "As Louisa Stead, her husband and their little daughter were enjoying an ocean side picnic one day, a drowning boy cried for help. Mr. Stead rushed to save him but was pulled under by the terrified boy. Both drowned as Louisa and her daughter watched helplessly. During the sorrowful days that followed, the words of this hymn came from the grief stricken wife’s heart".(Osbeck, K. W.) "Louisa was left without any means of support and she and her daughter were quickly in dire poverty. One day when there was no food in the house and no money to purchase any, Louisa opened the front door to find someone had left groceries and money sitting there for her. That same day she sat down and wrote 'Tis so Sweet to Trust in Jesus...'".

These are words that could be only spoken out of brokenness. In recent days I have come to understand with greater meaning how sweet it is to trust in Jesus, just as Louisa had. This is the blessedness which Jesus spoke of in Matthew 5: "Blessed are the poor in spirit, for they will inherit the kingdom of Heaven." It is only when you allow yourself to completely surrender that which you knew you didn't posses all along - control - to the One Person who has all "power and authority in heaven and on earth". That's when you become poor in spirit. Sometimes it takes an event like Louisa's - a death of a loved one. Certainly Summer and I have experienced brokeness in recent weeks, but at the same time, I feel as though there is so much more I need to be broken of, so much more I need to surrender.

God will continue to bring the sanctifying experiences into our lives - they are different for every person. Not everyone needs a death of a child to draw them closer to God - but everyone will experience times of fire and trial. These come not because God loves to see His creation suffer. He doesn't cause it - He didn't cause our child to have Potters Syndrome. The same love in which He gave His Son to die on our behalf is the same love that allows us to choose to believe in Him (instead of forcing us to choose Him). It is also the same love that allows, not causes, death and pain to happen. He allowed Adam and Eve to sin and this sin brought about disease and death. So then - the same love that allows choice also allows pain.

For sure, the pain that is experienced by all can be used for good - but this brings me back to the trust part. The only way that pain can truly bring about good for people is for people to trust in Jesus. Romans 8:28 states that, "...we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him...". This is the hope which Summer and I have - that God is working this out for our good, and it is through our love of and trust in Jesus that allows the good to be demonstrated in our lives. This is the sweetness of trusting in Jesus - and our lives have and will continue to prove Him over and over, not because of anything that we have done or will do, but because of what He has done for us.

Is the pain still real and present in our lives? Yes. But if it were not for the pain, the little boy who got his hand too close to the fire would not know his hand were burnt and would thus not cry out for his parents to come, to help heal the wound and hold him in his pain as a parent does so many times for their hurting child. Without the pain, he might not know when his hand becomes infected from the burn and he could loose it.

In the same way, we cry out to our Heavenly Father to come - heal our wound and soothe us by holding us close. In this we become poor, acknowledging that He is the only One who can heal and hold us and we maintain our whole self (body and soul) without loosing a part. And, according to Matthew 5, that is a blessed place to be.

Hast Thou No Scar?

This is a poem I recently read in a message I gave on Matthew 13:44-46. I'm posting it here in case anyone wanted to read it:

Hast thou no scar?
No hidden scar on foot, or side, or hand?
I hear thee sung as mighty in the land;
I hear them hail thy bright, ascendant star.
Hast thou no scar?

Hast thou no wound?
Yet I was wounded by the archers; spent,
Leaned Me against a tree to die; and rent
By ravening beasts that compassed Me, I swooned.
Hast thou no wound?

No wound? No scar?
Yet, as the Master shall the servant be,
And piercèd are the feet that follow Me.
But thine are whole; can he have followed far
Who hast no wound or scar?

BY AMY CARMICHAEL

Repentance by Issac Watts

HYMN 106

O, if my soul were formed for woe, How would I vent my sighs! Repentance should like rivers flow From both my streaming eyes. 'Twas for my sins my dearest Lord Hung on the cursed tree, And groaned away a dying life For thee, my soul, for thee. O, how I hate those lusts of mine That crucified my God! Those sins that pierced and nailed his flesh Fast to the fatal wood! Yes, my Redeemer, they shall die, My heart has so decreed; Nor will I spare the guilty things That made my Savior bleed. Whilst, with a melting, broken heart, My murdered Lord I view, I'll raise revenge against my sins, And slay the murd'rers too.

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